Lesson learned this week:  we need to focus less on being funny and more on winning.  We're flying in Dane Cook for the weekend so that he can teach us how to be a successful comedian without being funny.  This should help with our future caption contest entries.  [Update: Boyd links to evidence that the contest judges are Dane Cook fans.]

This week's official results and next week's cartoon can be found here.



Actual Winner:

"He claims he was 'fixing' the vacuum, but I know what they were up to."
- Des Laffan, Summerfield

Actual Honorable mentions:

"We want children, but we don't have enough spare parts."
- Ellen Wallace

"I knew something was wrong when he told me he was running my bath water."
- Desmond Richardson, Port Richey, Fla.

"There's just no intimacy in our marriage. Everything is so mechanical."
- Judy Stephens, Greensboro

Percy's Losing Entries:

1.  "It's basic hydrodynamics, doctor: the more lubes, the less friction and surface tension."

2.  "A little reprogramming — or, as you humans say, 'reparative therapy' — should take care of his C-3PO fixation."

3.  "He said it was for rust prevention, but then I found his stash of Playbot magazines."

David's Losing Entries:

1.  "The 10W-30 lube you prescribed helped, but let's give the high performance synthetic a go."

2.  "Things are much better since I disabled the suck/blow switch on the Shop-Vac." [Note from Percy: Like the winning entry, but funnier.]

3.  "The terminating has got to stop."

4.  "All he does is sit around all day in his underwear drinking beer and watching NASCAR.  If he does go out, it's to go bowling and eat fried food."