Percy, David Boyd Lose News & Record Cartoon Caption Contest #10
The merger of Sirius and XM has inspired me to join forces with my fiercest captioning rival in the Greensboro area, David Boyd (approval of our merger by the Justice Department's antitrust division is still pending, however). We both finished in last place in this week's contest, but were heartened that the contest judges chose as the winner a caption that alludes to a penis and gave an honorable mention to a caption that alludes to passing gas. Now that we know that the judges minds are in the gutter, we should be unstoppable.
This week's winner and honorable mentions and next week's cartoon can be found here. I've decided to list the winner and all of the honorable mentions, as well as our losers, below. Copyright law be damned!
Winner:
"Apple, that had better be a worm.""
- M.J. Rebeck, Browns Summit
Honorable mentions:
"I think somebody just rotted."
- J. Owens
"Underwear factory moves to China; fruit moves back to bowl."
- Tim Hanauer, Lexington
"I wish the artist would move us; I'm starting to get a cramp."
- Christian Pike, Siler City (fifth grade) [Note from Percy: Sympathy pick. Henceforth, I'll be putting "fourth grade" on my entries.]
Percy's Losing Entries:
1. "If you guys had listened to me, we'd be sitting in a Carmen Miranda hat in Rio getting our Samba on."
2. "I've got pictures of the Fruit of the Loom guys that, if released today, would make the world switch to Haynes or go commando by tomorrow."
3. "It was like a Linda Lovelace movie, but with apes. I'm lucky to be alive."
4. "Our forebears posed for Cezanne still lifes and we sit here for a Rickard cartoon. Have we no shame?"
David's Losing Entries (assuming they had actually been submitted):
1. "Sorry everyone, I think I just fermented."
2. "You'll never guess where she put me next."
3. "Life just hasn't been the same since we lost our cherry."
4. "So I said, 'That's no worm, missy.'"
More Percy and David losers here.
For a listing of all prior caption contests, click here.
Damn right on that sympathy pick. I think like a second-grader. Does that count?
You have to respect Pike's deviousness in coming up with that "fifth grade" ploy.
It is so. And what of the calculation in choosing the moniker 'Christian,' thus locking in the non-atheist vote at the N&R. We may have to up our game P-Dub.
A brilliant counter-intuitive maneuver. The heathens at the N&R couldn't hold it against him given his "youth" and the (1 or 2) non-heathens lapped it up.
Assuming that the voting is limited to editors and writers, 1 or 2 non-heathens may be generous. But what if they've opened the voting up to the sales, circulation and production staves - in other words, the working men and women of East Market St? I have little doubt that these good people are not as Godless as their 'superiors' and are of the proper religion thus perhaps being swayed by what may not be as transparent a play to them as it is to us.
This would also explain why the wittier, but more erudite, entries consistently fail to be published.
Erudite, for those of you in the warehouse, cubicles, or non-windowed offices who may be reading this at home in your free time, means characterized by great knowledge; learned or scholarly.
Note to blue-collar N&R workers: David isn't saying you are stupid, it's just that "erudite" is an effete word popular with the editor/writer types that we thought were judging the competition. Our future entries will be more muscular.
"Effete" means girlie, by the way.